I hate to be this girl but…


There are a few things you should know about me if you’ve just started reading my blog, are interested in this post, or want to become my friend. I love dinner parties , huge glasses of red wine, music of all kinds, art galleries, and most importantly Sex and the City. I love it so much that I believe Samantha Jones and I are basically the same person. She screams beauty and sexual independence. Personally I think she made the entire show. Sometimes though, I can’t help but look at Carrie and Big (before the “big” wedding) and realize that I like Carrie have a Big. That every girl has a Big.

Mine comes in the form of a musician. In order to save myself some embarrassment I’ll call him John. If he ever reads this (which I doubt he will) I think he’d appreciate it.

I met John 6 years ago while I was in high school. I can’t say I was attracted to him or that we were good friends. What we did have was an understanding a strange friendship like understanding. I graduated high school and we lost contact until my 3rd year of college. When I received a random message on Facebook.

That was the start of what has easily been the most interesting part of my twenties. We began our on again off again relationship. Never really ending just dissolving until he missed me enough to get in contact with me. Like Carrie, I was constantly hanging on his every word. I hate to admit this but I was crazy about the guy. He just seemed…different.


We’d spend hours together just discussing life, goals, beliefs. He motivated me to do better for myself. Always telling me to do whatever I loved regardless of the cost. Our only problem was we weren’t. We weren’t anything. I wasn’t his girl and he wasn’t my guy. We “coexisted” and I was okay with that.

I was never the type of girl to want a relationship, marriage, kids, any of that. So our lack of labels was perfect or as perfect as you could make it. When you don’t define what you are you begin to live in a grey area. An area that Jordan and Alex thought would lead to heartbreak for me. After all what do you say when someone asks you if you’re single?

I should have gave up there. When he stopped returning my texts. When he said that he was dropping by to pick me up and never came. When countless other guys (if this isn’t too emotionally slutty maybe I’ll write about them) began to show interest. I couldn’t seem to get him off my mind and sometimes he’s still there because when you’ve found your Mr. Big they don’t really leave you.


Carrie once said “We only obsess over relationships that feel unfinished”. Could this fictional character be right? Is it possible that “John” and I aren’t finished? Is every girl destined to be with a Mr. Big? That may be true but than again maybe not. Some girls might want an Aidan, Petrovsky or a Berger and that’s fine too.


Ashley Nicole.


P.S. If this is at all interesting in anyway do let me know or if you have a topic suggestion…anything! Feel free to tweet me @Onlyashleecee, follow me on Instagram @princess_ashleecee, or comment below. I’d love to hear from all of you.

2 thoughts on “I hate to be this girl but…

  1. Love LOVE L O V E!!!! This post, mostly bc I am undeniably Carrie and this is sadly my life. (Good thing Carrie and Samantha are the closest :]) you really opened up with this one & opened my eyes to somethings!


  2. Pingback: Hello John (The Big to my Carrie) | Twe1ve2

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