Hello John (The Big to my Carrie)

“When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past.”-Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Remember John from a previous post (I hate to be this girl but)? I talked about him being the Big to my Carrie Bradshaw. How every girl has a Big but not every girl wants one and etc. Well…I found myself creeping on his Facebook and Instagram and Soundcloud…basically his whole social media existence.

I know. I know. I probably should completely delete him from my life as all my friends suggest but for some reason I can’t. Even with someone of my own I still often wonder how he is. If I’ll see him again and all that other stuff I probably shouldn’t care about. Does he have a girlfriend? Is she prettier than me? Why hasn’t he contacted me since December? But than again do I really want him to pop back up in my life? Is it fair for anyone to pop in and out of someones life like that?

While I do wonder how he is I also understand that I have to let the idea of this person go. Everyone has to let their John go. We want to hold onto people who once made us happy. We like to be reminded of a time when life seemed simpler. The nights seemed longer and our imaginary love might have been real. However, it almost never does anyone any good to hold onto memories tighter than we should.

I currently have a wonderful person in my life by the name of Eric (we’ll call him that). He understands that Chipotle is apart of my own personal food pyramid and sends me gift cards to fuel my love affair with it in the mail. I receive text messages just to wish me luck on interviews and calls just to tell me goodnight. When I was in college he would surprise me with random dates and take me on late night adventures. Not only that but he is crazy about me. In that I know we’re young but I can see me spending the rest of my life with you kind of crazy. The crazy we’re all looking and longing for. So why is it that the memory of “John”, the idea of John, his presence and essence still haunt my very existence.

Is it possible that once someone enters our lives they never leave…and if that’s the case why don’t all our ex’s and lovers linger?


Ashley Nicole.


10 thoughts on “Hello John (The Big to my Carrie)

  1. I’m really glad you found happiness somewhere else. I hope you don’t rush things with the new Eric and I definitely hope you don’t fall in love with him just to fill the void left by the old John. Good luck princess!


  2. This Eric guy sounds like Carrie’s Aidan, and I was always on Aidan’s team. Follow your heart girl. And make sure whoever it ends up being, that he’s a positive energy booster for you. Ain’t nobody got time for negative energy.



  3. so happy I stumbled across your blog. such a relatable post. I think everyone has a ghost that will never go away—I’ve found myself obsessing over the idea that they MUST have stuck around haunting me for a reason, like they’re “meant” to be in my life. I’ve finally convinced myself that that’s not always the case. Easier said than done to let go of the “what-ifs” though 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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