Let’s be honest breaking up is never fun or easy.
You have to suffer through the dreaded was it me phase? Was it them? Why didn’t I see this coming and a million other little questions that ramble through your mind about before the break up and after. Like I said it’s never fun or easy. Sometimes we think we want closure and other times we want to just leave it in the past.
Recently I watched a break up unfold with a friend of mine and their partner (I chose the word partner to keep this as vague as possible in case they happen to read this.) Before the two started dating me and the person were rather close. We’d talk, hangout all the time, and had frequent sleep overs as friends do. Eventually it slowed down when their ex-partner started to like them (as it should).
My friend started to ask me questions about this person to see what I felt they should do. Saying things like “they really like me so maybe I should give it a shot” and “I don’t want to ruin my friendship with them if it doesn’t workout”. What struck out to me the most was “sometimes it gets lonely out here and you just want someone and I mean they’re around” (these are not direct quotes).
I repeat. STOP.
If you have ever had that thought before you get into a relationship than just don’t do it.
You should never be with someone because it’s convenient. They “clean your room” or “are always around”. Those aren’t the only qualities that should define whether or not you choose to date someone. There should be a mental connection that doesn’t require you to get lost in them but to get lost with them.
After I heard those words from my friends mouth, the ones about being lonely, I knew that if they dated it would be doomed from the start. My friend wouldn’t be able to fulfill their lovers needs and needs they did have.
The other person (and this is totally based off of observation) was consumed in the idea of being with them. Each one of their social media accounts featured sayings about them being their superhero or how they couldn’t live without them. While this is cute in some cases it was sad to watch when it’s overdone. They had become so consumed in their affair that they couldn’t see that it wasn’t the right timing. They shouldn’t have pushed so much for a relationship and instead let what they have blossom and come naturally.
They didn’t and they dated.
You no longer saw one without the other and eventually one looked a lot less happy than the other. As time progressed and seasons changed the inevitable happened. There were multiple break ups, lies being told, and more.
The worse was that my friends partner was seeking love in the relationship (not a partner but someone to love them) and found attention from someone else. Thus, instead of attempting to work it out with their partner they drifted.
They drifted to someone else who gave them attention. Someone who saw this person as vulnerable and slowly started taking advantage of it without them knowing while the couple was still together. They started having sleep overs with this person, texting and talking on the phone during all hours and eventually when questioned if they were dating the new person they’d say “no, we’re not together…we’re just friends”.
I’m sure you can see where this is going. The couple broke up. My friend chose to break up with their partner because they started drifting. Their partner is still talking to the other person and it’s just very bad energy all together.
Like I said before they were doomed from the start. Their relationship was based on of miss-communications. Each person was looking for something that the other wasn’t able to provide. My friend was looking for comfort from being lonely and their lover was looking for love. When both parties aren’t looking for the same thing it’s hard for either person to feel fully complete.
They say opposites attract but they don’t mean opposites in needs. It’s important to remember that in order to be fully involved in any relationship you must first be complete as a person. At least not searching for something that you can provide for yourself. After all what if we’re our own soul-mates and we’re just looking for someone to enjoy life with and that’s all the other person is really there for?