The other day I stayed up late and started thinking about numbers. Not numbers as in the amount of money you make, the economy, or anything similar to either of those. I decided to count out my number of sexual partners.
After I counted, recounted, and edited the numbers accordingly I came out with THE number. A big fat number…that stared me in the face on a lovely little paper I had written out every one of my partners names on.
I was a little shocked at first. I wasn’t really expecting for my number to be what it is. I’m not sure if I expected it to be higher or lower though. However, my number bothers me a bit and I’m not sure why…
I’ve always been open about sex ever since I was a kid. The first time I watched pornography was in elementary school and it kind of just took off from there. My uncle used to get the Playboy channel and my cousins and I would sneak up to the room and watch it.
Everything in every movie fascinated me.
As I got older I became more interested in what others thought of sex. All of my friends in high school were virgins (like my actual friends) and my closest one was waiting until marriage. It was interesting to hear their views on what the other kids on campus were doing, who was sexually active, how they’d/we’d refer to them if they’d slept with “too” many people. But what’s too many people and how do you count it?
I’ve asked around and received a variety of responses.
“It’s not what happened before the relationship that matters. You can’t control that.”
“I’d prefer if I was their first but they wouldn’t be mine.”
” The girl can have 3 or 4…”
“As long as it’s single digits it’s no big deal!”
Seriously? Why is this important and why is there a double standard with it? Many of the men I’ve talked to stated that they don’t want their girlfriend’s number to be equal or greater to theirs while women didn’t seem to really care. Alluding to the fact that if they (the women interviewed) were with someone and loved them their past numbers didn’t make a difference.
Keep in mind these were not the opinions of all the women interviewed nor were these the opinions of all the men interviewed.
My number is twelve ironically and at first I thought that was high until I read articles about people my age with numbers higher than mine. Still why does it feel okay for their numbers to be what they are but mine feels like it should be lower.
Is it because the body is a temple? Women are still seen as conquest? Or is none of that true. If that is the case and more and more women/men are starting to care less why do we still shield our number from our partners? Why can’t we have open conversations about our past without feeling as if we’re shaming each other with a dirty secret? Deep down inside do we feel the need to think that having less is better?